I'm falling, out of control.
There is nothing to catch me, nothing to hold me up. Everything I thought I knew, all the certainties of life are gone. They went when you left.
I'm too old to be an orphan yet that is what I am. The twin anchors of my life have gone. I'm not the first this has happened to, I'm not alone in this but it feels as if I'm totally and utterly alone. Bereft and alone.
The time for tears has passed yet I still feel on the verge of weeping at unexpected moments. A word, a phrase, a memory, all have the power to upset and unnerve.
While you were here with us, you were the control in our lives. We came to you for advice, for support. We came to you to share our joys and happiness. We looked to you for guidance and knew you would exert the control we needed.
Now I am adrift, I'm falling and out of control. How do I manage, how do we manage without you?